Seven Deadly Sins...

Sin: It seems we always are talking about it lately, but only it’s not the sin we commit ourselves, but yet the sin we see others commit, the sin we see others struggle with, the sin that binds someone else in a permanent hold. Even people who aren’t believers in God (or even gods) will use the word sin. Believing in a higher power and calling someone a sinner are not mutually exclusive. In fact, you can believe in God and yet still be blinded to your own sin or the sin around you, just like unbelievers will toss out the word in casual conversation.

When you hear the word sin, what do you think of?

Committing…

Murder?

Rape?

Theft?

Adultery?

Fraud?

Assault?

Those are some big ones right? The ones we KNOW are no-nos.

But what about these sins?

Being Conservative.

Being Liberal.

Being Pro-Cop.

Being Pro-Black.

Being Pro-Traditional Marriage.

Being Pro-Gay Rights.

Being Pro-Guns.

Being Pro-Target.

Being Pro-Immigration Reform.

Being Pro-ObamaCare.

Being Pro-Confederate Flag.

Being Anti-Military.

Being Anti-Socialism.

Being Anti-Religion.

Being Anti-Muslim.

Each of these has an opposite, and each of these are plastered on our social media pages on a constant feed of hate and accusations. But guess what? None of these are sins. Having opinions on these things can certainly lead to a breakdown in our behavior which could cause us to lash out and sin, but these aren’t sins alone, these are opinions.

How are we so corrupt as a society that we don’t even know what sin is anymore? We think someone who doesn’t believe the exact same things we do should go to hell and if someone is like us then they are the righteous ones! Like us! Since we all seem to think we are righteous and unflawed (according to our perfect lives on posted on our Facebook and Twitter feeds)!

So I did a little research. (Ten seconds on google) And found what I was looking for. Let’s get back to the basics.

Though I do have a Theology degree, I am not going to use my trusty old books from school filled with big words I may or may not remember the meanings of, but rather I am going to use a list that was compiled by someone who musta been really smart a long, long time ago based off different scriptures in the Bible.

The Seven Deadly Sins (that’s how I learned them as a kid)…

•   Lust – to have an intense desire or need: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

•   Gluttony – excess in eating and drinking: “for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags” (Proverbs 23:21).

•   Greed - excessive or reprehensible acquisitiveness: “Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more” (Ephesians 4:19).

•   Laziness – disinclined to activity or exertion: not energetic or vigorous: “The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway” (Proverbs 15:19).

•   Wrath – strong vengeful anger or indignation: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1)

•   Envy – painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage: “Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation” (1 Peter 2:1-2).

•   Pride - quality or state of being proud – inordinate self-esteem: “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).

(List taken from: http://www.allaboutgod.com/what-are-the-seven-deadly-sins-faq.htm)

How many of these sins have you committed today? Truly, I say, I just might have touched on all of them this day alone.

I believe if we all strived not commit these sins on a daily basis, we’d begin to see a change in our society. A change in the world our children are growing up in. A change in how we view our neighbor who is going through each day dealing with these same very basic, yet corrupting and deadly sins…

Fight it. Stop the hate. Stop calling or thinking someone is a sinner because they don’t believe in the same things you do. Focus on the sin that has you in the strongest foothold and end it. Develop a habit of ridding it from your life. Then, move on to the next one.

It’s time to look at ourselves in the mirror and deal with ourselves instead of everyone else.

And my spew of words is over. Thanks for allowing me to get it out. Now let's get to work on improving this world!

(Photo Cred: https://lettherebemovies.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/the-seven-deadly-sins_o_1775841.jpg)

Skylight View

My house was built in the early 90s. This means we moved into a 20 year old house ready for some updating. If you're old enough to remember the 90s, you can close your eyes and see mauve carpet, hunter green tile, wallpaper, gold everywhere (not the trendy kind), and a hook in the ceiling of your kitchen for that fake plant or fern you had to dangle above your fake Ficus tree. The only one from this list I'm not completely sure was in my home is the mauve carpeting. Lucky for us, the carpet was new, but lucky for us, they left the hook, green tile, gold fixtures and wallpaper for us to admire.

 Guess what else I have? A skylight in the vaulted ceiling of my master bath. 
Your mind just said, "Oooo, fancy! Prestigious even!" 

If anyone else has one of these, I'm sure you'd agree it's not fancy. It dates the house while at the same time accumulating dirt, grime, and pollen until the rain attempts to wash it away. It was one of those things I wanted to get rid of immediately. Four years later, it's still there, only now I've grown to love this particular window view with an unexpected admiration. 

Big-trunked, ridiculously tall trees line our backyard. Most were there long before our home ever was. It's a mass of green right now, multi-colored in the Fall, and creepily sparse in the winter. But this old, grimy skylight, placed high on my roof, frames this one particularly tall tree perfectly. This view into it's highest limbs, probably at least 80 feet in the air, has caught my attention. It blooms the most magnificent flowers. 

 My husband assured me "it's just a poplar tree", and I looked it up. Sure enough Google tells me it's a Tulip Poplar, but even still, even though it is not a rare tree, it fascinates me. I've gone out on my second story back deck and looked out into the tree line, and ONLY when I look up, way, way up, do I see this tree's limbs sprawl out and bloom into a beautiful chaotic display. 

I hated the fact these blooms were so far away, out of reach, and almost out of sight, unless I looked through the old, outdated, obscurely-placed window in my roof.

And then a revelation hit me. 

These blooms aren't for me. They're for God. They are the tree's offering to the Lord. 

"Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; bring an offering and come before Him...."

They are the tree's way to worship the Lord who gave it life.

".....Worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness." 1 Chronicles 16:29

I've often viewed God's beautiful landscapes as His gift to us, his most special creation. But I realize now they're for Him too. For Him, the King of all, to enjoy.... and nature's way of worshipping Him.  

It's made me wonder how easily we can miss God's glory that surrounds us everyday. How easily we forget to bring Him an offering of love and worship, when even the trees don't forget.

I'm not getting rid of that skylight anytime soon. And I pray this Tulip Poplar tree will outlive me, so that I can also enjoy its love offering to God each Spring. 

What love offerings are you missing in your own backyard? 

I promise they're there. We just gotta look, and sometimes just look up.

#FirstWorldProblem

Many of you see "#FirstWorldProblem" and know exactly what it's referring to- the sarcastic remark made by us First World-ers when we face a problem any human living in a Third World country would laugh at, or even snarl at. Using the hashtag we can make light of our relatively silly dilemma, giving us permission to whine or complain about it on social media.

Now I am NOT saying these words with condemnation. In fact, I'm scared to search my own social media postings, afraid I'll see how many times I've used the hashtag myself. But I couldn't help but feel guilty when I watched the two and a half minute video below.

I dare you to take a look.

If The World Were 100 People | GOOD Data
When you shrink the world's population down to 100 people, this is what you get:
Posted by GOOD on Monday, March 14, 2016

I wonder how many of you watched it and immediately realized you fit into the top percentiles of the "good, better, best" statistics- like having the ability to read, the ability too earn more than $10 a day, and having access to food, clean water, shelter, college, internet, and cell phones! The list goes on and on...

Our life - how we choose to love and live- is affected and changed by our perspective. And doesn't the video (and ones like them) make you cringe, revealing how distorted our perspective has become? The fact we have a hashtag which allows us the freedom to complain about our privilege proves this lack of perspective, at least it's proved my own.

After watching it, all could think was the word thankful.

For me, my thankful heart turns to God, crying out my gratitude for His grace and mercy and blessings over me. Fitting I should see this video a few days before Easter Sunday, where Christians in this great country have the privilege to celebrate that Jesus died a sinner's death for us, then rose victorious over it, paving the way for me (and for you) to enter His Holy realm one day and spend an eternity in His presence. 

Oh, what a reason to be thankful!

If you cringed watching that video, I invite you to attend a local church service Easter morning. It is a great day to sacrifice an hour to God for the privilege He's granted us. And you never know, He may change your perspective on how to love and live.

“Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs.

Know that the Lord is God.

It is He who made us, and we are His, we are His people,

the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise;

give thanks to Him and praise His name.

For His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all

generations.”

Psalm 100: 1-5

If you do it once, you'll wanna do it again...

You know how skydivers say if you do it once, you'll want to do it again? Honestly, I've never understood this statement. I could never talk myself into thinking even once was a good idea, so why would it be a good idea twice? Doesn't that actually up the odds against me? Make the chances of the plane crashing, or my parachute not opening, a fraction stronger against me surviving?

But this past weekend, I finally understood... 

I mustered all the courage I had, prayed a lot, and got into my car all by myself to head inside the perimeter of Atlanta at 8am, so that I could attend the Atlanta Writing Workshop. I found parking, walked inside, checked in, got my name tag, and sat down all by myself. The whole time I was smiling, but was secretly about to throw up what little breakfast I'd been able to get down.

I was terrified because I KNEW I was going to show up, and be found a fraud. By just attending this workshop, you're admitting that you take writing, whether novels of fiction, non-fiction, or children's books, seriously.

 I am seriously trying to write novels, but does that count? Am I qualified to sit amongst the other writers at the workshop?

God answered that question for me very quickly, because pretty soon, a woman sat down next to me who was just like me! She was taking a leap of faith. Ready to learn about the publishing world, social media platforms for writers, and what the agents want to see from their authors. And once the workshop got started, and people began asking the same questions I had, and pitching their stories to agents, it became more and more clear...

I do fit here. I am not a fraud. I am serious.

And once that fear, that crippling fear, was gone, I was able to have fun. I made a new friend, and learned some great stuff. I met some agents and realized even more how much I envy their job, (cause I'm a book nerd) but also that they're real, and actually really approachable. I had nothing to fear the whole time and I wasted all that energy! 

I left feeling invigorated, and then I remembered back to 2011 (I think!) when I was in full-time ministry. My pastor wanted to send me to probably the biggest Children's Pastors Conference (In fact, I think that's what it's called, haha!) on the planet. They do them in a couple different places each year, and he wanted me to fly out to San Diego by myself to attend the one there. Of course, I said yes, but I flew out there thinking I had lost my mind! I was going to be lonely all week, AND people will realize I'm a fraud. I hadn't been doing my job for very long, and was still "getting my feet wet". I just KNEW everyone there would see me for what I was. 

But guess what? I quickly found out there were a lot of newbies attending to learn. And there were also lots of tenured attendees, who opened their brains for the pickin' with us newbies. I came home refreshed and invigorated.

All this to say, I do get that statement now. I probably won't ever go skydiving, but I understand that when something sets such passion inside, you do want to do it again. I'm gonna sign up for another writer's conference, maybe even one far away, and this time I'm pushing away the fear to allow the fun to happen sooner!

What is it that you fear right now, that if you took a leap of faith could end up being addictive? Invigorating? Even fun? Don't close yourself off because of fear, because most likely you're just closing yourself off to the growth and fun that could be taking place.

Who knows? If you do it once, it might surprise you, and you'll want to do it again.....



Image from: http://www.azom.com/article.aspx?ArticleID=10429

Don't go Black Friday shopping just yet...

Like most other adults I come in contact with day-to-day, I live in a rather normal suburbanite lifestyle. The main thread of duplicity among us is that we live in excess.

Complete and utter excess.

Whether you drive a brand new, fancy car or an old beater, you still have a car. Whether you live in a single-family home, or an apartment complex, you still have a home. Whether you homeschool, send your kids to private school, or public school, your kids still have a school to attend. Whether you serve old school Kraft Mac-n-Cheese for dinner each night, or serve a four- course meal, you still have dinner.  

These facts are certainly blessings, and I thank God for them every day, but as I look at my huge king size bed, knowing I have three other beds in my house alone, it makes me both grateful and sad. Sad that I complain about having to wash my sheets, swipe out the crumbs when the kids crawl in it with us eating popcorn or crackers (!), sad that I complain about making my bed on the RARE occasion I do.

And then when you see the sheer amount of “things” our kids have… it makes me… sad sometimes.

So last year, we made a big decision in our house. We had some rather big expenses (all blessings), but felt the need to pull back on the amount of money we spent on “Christmas”. We talked to our kids about this and they were in, with not a complaint among either of them. So when we told them recently we were AGAIN sticking to the same plan we had last year…. They were fine with it!

Here’s what we did/do: We only spend $50 a piece on our kids under the tree. You read that right- $50. NOW I know some families do not have even $50 to spend on their kids at Christmas, and I urge those of you who DO to reach out to your local charitable organizations to GIVE to them, blessing another family. BUT it’s my feeling most of you reading this spend more on your children than $50 at Christmas.

Now, full disclosure, my kids are still visited by Santa, BUT Santa doesn’t spend that much either!! And guess what? Last year, my kids would tell you they had the best Christmas, and received everything they wanted. See- God’s amazing like that. Between grandparents and family members, they were blessed with a wonderful Christmas!

This short note isn’t to condemn those of you who freely spend tons of money on your kids. As parents, that is our natural instinct- to make them feel happy and special. What I do hope this short note does is get you thinking…. Could you possibly spend less this year? If you did would your kids even notice? If they noticed, is that a good thing because maybe they need a little less excess in their lives? Could you spend the same amount of money you budgeted, but give some of that money to a charitable organization? Could you take your kids to the store with you and have THEM pick out gifts to give away??

I promise you it will feel really good if you do!

Comment below and let me know your thoughts! What tradition of giving does your family already have? What will you change this year??

Tales from a Blended Life, Part Three

Alrighty- I'm ready to tackle ONE of the final two surefire rules to help our blended families survive WITHOUT the drama! (I had hoped to cover both the final two today, but it's gotten a little lengthy, and so I will post the final guideline next week!) 

In case you missed the first two posts, I encourage you to go read them (below) to better understand what "living a blended life" actually means, AND learn about the first two guidelines: 1) Wash your mouth out...  and 2) Never, EVER, say half. 


So... this guideline doesn't have a catchy phrase for its title. I tried to come up with one, but the truth is, it doesn't need to be catchy. It needs to be true. And so here it is....

3. Honor your responsibilities with a good attitude.

For this rule or guideline, I chose the word honor very carefully, instead of maybe the less formal "take care" of you responsibilities.... So let's start with the definition of "honor". It means to regard with high respect and fulfill an obligation. 

I want that one little word to set the tone with this one, and Lordy, Lordy, I could probably write a book on this topic alone! I feel like I've said that about every topic, and it's probably true, but for this one, let me give you an overall rundown of some major issues relating to parents' responsibilities after divorce/separation. I will be focusing on financial obligations here, but I recognize there are many other ways parents need to honor their responsibilities!

Countless times.... (& I realize the word "countless" means "too many to count", and therefore it is EXACTLY the word I want to use)... Countless times, I have witnessed either anger about paying child support to the mother or father, or the flat out, intentional act of NOT paying child support at all. I have also known people to countdown the days until their child(ren) turn eighteen. I have also witnessed instances where the ex who has been ordered to pay child support, ONLY pays that specific amount, and therefore tough luck to their kid if it's spent on household bills, and they still need new tennis shoes. I have also heard exes say they can't believe their former spouse needs the child support to survive month-to-month- Essentially saying what kind of adult can't make ends meet without receiving this child support money? Shaming the ex who, usually desperately, really needs the money.

Now let me tell you a little about my situation growing up in a blended family, and brag on it a bit. My father had to pay child support to my mother. And let me say, this wasn't just pennies to throw towards a couple bills each month. This was a significant amount of money. He also paid my sister's and my medical/dental/orthodontics expenses, help with college tuition, etc. 

And you know what else? You won't believe this, but my dad paid child support through my college years. YES! You read that correctly! Through my college years! The day I married my husband and was about to finish school, the torch was passed to my hubby and me to provide for one another. I got married when I was two weeks shy of turning twenty-two years old, and that is when my dad stopped paying child support. Twenty-two years old.....

And I hear exes excited when the age of eighteen comes! Are you kidding me? You don't stop being a parent when your child turns eighteen! If anything, read my story and say to yourself, it could be worse! Consider yourself LUCKY to only be obligated by court order to pay child support until your child turns eighteen. And maybe even consider the idea of continuing to pay it afterwards (maybe not directly to ex, but straight towards tuition or the child's bills during school, etc.)....

Also, I say with total confidence, my dad NEVER missed a payment to my mom. NEVER. Period. And he didn't complain about it either, and neither did my stepmom. In fact, I think she wrote out almost all of the checks! Now, my sweet husband didn't have the same experience as me. His biological father who we do not see, still owes his mother thousands of back child support. Of course, she'll never get it, and doesn't expect to, but think about it... As a single mom, she worked full time and still she struggled month after month. Many times, they only survived because of her family helping to support her and the kids no matter what. My own mother who also worked full time, often lived month-to-month when we grew up, not able to get ahead. And I know the support went exactly to what it was supposed to- taking care of us. Sometimes that meant paying for new clothes or extra toys, but mostly it meant paying the house payment and electricity bill.

And I know what some of you are saying right now- But my ex doesn't use the money the right way! It doesn't go towards what it should! And I would say if you are in this position, then I am sorry. BUT there are good things that will come out of you staying faithful and honoring your responsibilities. 

*Your children will KNOW you never failed them.

and let me get a little spiritual on you here....

*God knows. Say a prayer each time you write that check. Pray it goes towards keeping your child(ren) safe and loved. Then, you can release that money, knowing He knows you are being faithful and you, as well as your kids, will be taken care of. Though sometimes the solace you seek comes differently than you expect... I know a father who ended up paying child support to the ex, and yet he also ended up having the kids almost solely on his own. Yup, so even when he had the kids, he still paid his ex according to the court order. 

Do not think for a minute He doesn't see your sacrifice and commitment.


Now, in closing, I have to admit, I didn't always understand how truly my dad (in this case) honored his responsibilities. My parents exchanging a check every other weekend when we were heading home from my dad's house was just the way of life. I didn't ponder on it much. That is, until I got older. By my college years, I was fully aware of how blessed I was to continue to receive support each month, getting me through college so easily. I began to notice then, how different my situation was from my friends who lived blended lives. And now as a parent and adult, I am fully aware of how my parents worked together to set me up for success. 

Are you honoring your responsibilities with a good attitude, and therefore setting your kids on a path for success? Are you a step parent who is willing to lovingly write out that child support check? Are you releasing the money with a prayer, instead of holding it over your ex's head? Are you counting the days until your child turns eighteen? Are you a friend who needs to stop bashing your friend's ex, adding to the problem, and help that friend have a heart condition change?

My goal for everyone reading this is to decide to do better. Better is a step in the right decision. Take it from me- a blended life without the drama, is a life fulfilled and a life loved.


My Dad is not on social media, so I e-mail him all of my blog articles to read. He's gonna be so embarrassed I bragged on him! But let's show the love for those out there who honor their responsibilities with a good attitude! Do you have a GOOD experience to share? Comment below!

Tales from a Blended Life, Part Two

Last week I told you a little about my Blended Life, involving parents, step-parents, and many siblings. I also told you my family got it right- not perfect- but right! I want to be able to pass along my insight in how to live a blended life without the drama that we all see in families dealing with divorce, re-marriage, and siblings having different moms and dads. (Notice I didn't say "half"!)

I listed 4 surefire rules or guidelines (mostly directed towards the adults). And today I will touch on the first 2 more in depth.

1. Wash your mouth out.

It is very common in most divorce decrees to have an agreement that both parties not to speak ill of their ex-spouse in front of their children. To a mature, logical adult, this makes perfect sense. But once you add into the mix anger, pain, stress, frustration, etc., this idea of the spouses never speaking illy or harshly about their ex around the children, is almost unheard of. In fact, most of time both spouses are fighting in front of the children- yelling, and name-calling, and insults galore spouted out right next to the children.

Now, I know what MOST of you all are wanting to say to me right now- Oh, but you don't know what I've gone through! You don't know what I have had to deal with!

And to that, you're wrong. I do, and it IS possible to achieve the command that is in almost ALL divorce decrees. You just have to wash your mouth out.

I can not remember a time in my childhood where I saw my divorced parents yell and scream at one another. For that matter, I can not remember a time where either of my parents lashed out and spoke against the other to my sister or I, other than an occasional annoyance or irritation.

Is it logical for me to think they never had harsh words for one another? Or they never became irritated with a circumstance involving us? Of course not! For all I know, they could have fought like crazy----- behind closed doors. Seriously, read my words... I never heard them fight! This is nearly unheard of, but not impossible.

This is my mom and dad standing together at my wedding
watching my hubby and I dance for the first
time as a married couple.

It's simple. They made choices that affected us forever. They made a choice to get married, have two children, and then to get a divorce. But they also made a choice to guard their mouths. This choice left us kids always knowing they still loved and cared about each other, still wanted the other to prosper and do good things, still wanted the best futures for us. It is a feeling that you can give your kids as well.

Strive to let your kids see that love and forgiveness is the way that leads to peace. This is a lesson that will get them much further in life than the lesson of hate, un-forgiveness, and wishes of ill-will.

Wash your mouth out. Start today, and never turn back.


2. Never, EVER, say half.

I have a lot to say about this statement, but I'm gonna try and keep it short! Let me start out addressing "half" siblings, as opposed to "step" siblings which I will touch on as well.

A "half" sibling is one where the sibs involved have one parent that is the same. Me and two sisters have the same mom, and me and two sisters and two brothers have the same dad, therefore according to the accepted lingo in today's society, I have quite a few "half" siblings.

The problem is I have NEVER viewed any of them this way. Being that I'm the oldest, I was able to visit them all at the hospital when they were born, hold their little swaddled bodies, help change diapers, play with them as toddlers, babysit them (though those are not necessarily good memories! This goes out to my feisty red-headed sister!), cheer them on, be the proud big sis when they graduated high school, went off to college, graduated from college, watch a few get married, watch them play with my own kids- their nieces and nephews, etc.

And just because I am the oldest doesn't mean they don't feel the same way. Their memories are filled with these things too, because I was always around. Sometimes there would be time gaps in between seeing one another, but that only makes the times spent together more special.

This is my sister, Nana (my stepmom), and three of the
grandkids. I can promise you Nana never introduces
these little ones as "half" hers, and certainly not "step" grandkids!

Countless times over the years, I'd find myself in a position where I talk about my siblings. I'll say something like, "Oh, I have two sisters here, and another sister and two brothers in Tennessee." ALMOST every response is, "Oh, so they're like your half brothers and sisters."

I only get frustrated internally, because these statements aren't intentionally rude. These people are just un-informed. I can assure you that if I do not introduce my siblings as "half" brothers and sisters, I do not feel that way.

The main problem with placing that tiny four-letter word in front of a title, is that it creates a barrier between us, the children. This barrier, though probably subconsciously, can create unneeded distance and hinder relationships from forming. I can tell you as a parent now myself, how loved my kids feel by ALL their aunts and uncles. You can never go wrong having more people to spread the love around.

Now allow me to touch on "step" siblings. According to society, these would be the kids whose parent re-married someone who already had kids themselves. They are thrown together in a way. Think the Brady bunch....

I recognize this is a situation where these kids may not have the opportunity to share some of the memories I mentioned above, but I would say this to the adults involved... strive to get your family to a place where they remove the "step" from their words, and their way of thinking. This means placing all of the children in situations where the family can grow together, develop bonds, and love each other. As the adults, you should be intentional and purposeful in creating an environment where this growth of relationships is accepted and supported by everyone involved (grandparents, ex-spouses', even aunts and uncles). The more you can blend these kids together, the better chance you have at getting to a place where they truly do feel they have new siblings, and the barriers are gone.

There you have it! Just some thoughts to ponder. Remember it's not necessarily easy, but it is possible. I lived it. You just have to make the right choices.

I'll tackle the other two insights next week!